Unchecked Stress, The Impact of Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms + How to Overcome Them
April 29, 2024
Most of us are stressed. Big stressors, little ones. It can often feel like an unavoidable companion. It lurks in the shadows, waiting to pounce at the slightest provocation, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.
When I was consumed by stress (working full time, dealing with a terminally ill parent, being alone), I did nothing to deal with it except in the only way I knew how - to drink.
This response is not uncommon. It’s patterned in our families, it’s glamourized in the movies and on tv shows. When you’re stressed, one of the most socially acceptable ways to deal with it, is to drink. It helps us temporarily escape from the relentless pressure. Here’s what I know now…
This is NOT the way to deal with stress.
I promise you, even in small amounts, it does more harm than good. It keeps us stuck in that stress loop and stuck in the situation that’s creating the stress instead of moving THROUGH it. It will exacerbate underlying issues and it will prevent true healing.
We can numb the pain temporarily, but the stress remains unresolved, lurking beneath the surface and impacting our physical and emotional health.
I got a first row ticket to this cycle of stress and alcohol consumption. It lead to various physical and emotional ailments, including chronic headaches, digestive issues, muscle tension, emotional volatility, and outbursts. It impacted every aspect of my life.
At Home:
Irritability and frustration
Withdrawal from loved ones
Neglect of household responsibilities
Sleep disturbances and fatigue
Strained relationships
At Work:
Decreased focus and productivity
Overwhelm by deadlines and responsibilities
Burnout and disillusionment
Conflicts and decreased job satisfaction
In Relationships:
Impaired communication and understanding
Increased conflict and resentment
Erosion of trust and intimacy
Feelings of loneliness and isolation
In health:
Poor sleep or insomnia
Weight gain due to stress-induced overeating or hormonal imbalances
Constant tension, especially in the neck, shoulders, and back
Frequent headaches or migraines
Persistent fatigue and low energy levels throughout the day
I recently read my journal from 2019, the year of unrelenting stress and too much alcohol, and it’s remarkable how impacted I was by unchecked stress.
While I was using alcohol to escape/relax, drinking excessively, and increasing my tolerance and dependency. I was also …
Emotional Eating
Seeking comfort in food
Overeating and gaining weight
Feelings of guilt or shame around my food choices
Avoidance and Procrastination:
Ignoring tasks and responsibilities
Which then would heighten my stress and anxiety due to procrastination
Self-Isolation:
Withdrawing from social interactions or activities
Extreme feelings of loneliness and isolation (even when in the company of others)
Battling depression and anxiety
misery really does loves company
But let me tell you, this cycle of unhealthy coping mechanisms and unchecked stress CAN BE BROKEN and we can learn how to respond to stress in effective ways.
Here’s what helped me:
Mindfulness: Breath work and meditation became my go to. I started googling journal prompts to get to the bottom of how I was feeling and best yet, how I wanted to start feeling/showing up in the world. (There is more to life than sitting in our own self-pity and victimhood. Creating mindfulness in your life will create necessary awareness in your life and will do more for you than drinking or doing nothing, ever will.)
I stopped drinking: There’s zero chance I’d be here today, as whole, happy, confident, and resilient as I am if I had kept drinking. By removing alcohol, I gave my mind and body a chance to catch up and start processing things effectively. (If you think you cant do it, I know that you can. But first you have to have an honest conversation about your drinking habits.)
Physical Activity: I had to move my body. I started walking, then running, boxing workouts, lifting weights all to release pent-up tension and boost my mood. Sitting around doing nothing will NOT help you and is the most under utilized anti-depressant. (If you are fortunate enough that you can move your body, please move your body)
Cold Therapy: I started using cold therapy at the same time as I started with deliberate breath work. It reminds me that I can do hard things, that I can control how I respond to stress with my breath, and that I am really fucking strong (It might seem unconventional or out of your comfort zone, but that’s exactly the point. Growth never happens when you’re comfortable.)
Got Support: Google, pinterest and instagram only got me so far. First, I started working with a therapist who helped me to get out of the bottom of the barrel. Once I had a foundation, I started working with my mentor and coach and I climbed right the fuck OUT of the barrel. I only knew what I knew, I needed someone to show me what was possible and how to get there in the most effective/supported way possible with proven tools/systems. (Don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it, and remember that you're not alone in your journey.)
My prompt to you… Reflect on your own coping mechanisms for stress and trauma. Are they serving you well, or are they perpetuating the cycle of stress?
Responding to stress and trauma in healthy ways takes time and practice, but it's worth the effort. You can build resilience and navigate life's challenges with greater ease and grace. I promise you, it can be/feel better!
And remember, if you're struggling to find healthy coping mechanisms or need guidance on your journey to wellness, I'm here to help.
Together, we can create a new response to stress—one that empowers you to thrive in every aspect of your life.
(PS here’s a little visual of what me not dealing with stress at all vs dealing with stress effectively, looks like…2019 —>2024)
Breathe it in, be deliberate, and be good to yourself!
Chelsea
aka The Deliberate One
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