Are you happy all the time?
If so, why. If no, why?
November 4, 2024
Every day I endeavour to make a choice to be happy. While it’s not a perfect practice, it’s something that I’m very conscious of in how my state is on a day to day basis and this has significantly improved over the last five years.
Because it’s not the external things that make us inherently happy (though we might believe that). It’s actually the spirit we have in our hearts.
Over time we seem to lose that. We get lost in the belief that these external things (people, places, things) have great meaning, especially that those things are responsible for our happiness.
When winter comes - aka a hard time - our happiness can then disappear. Because the external things have gone away in some capacity and we are lacking in our own inherent meaning.
Creating meaning…
So for a meaningful life, we need more than the external, we need fulfillment. Happiness is a habit. The more you flex that habit the easier it becomes. Im not saying you have to be 100% happy or super positive ALL of the time, but it can always be more.
Even my partner and I had this discussion at dinner. It’s very easy to be all in when things are good, but to show up in winter, whether that’s in our emotions or relationships, is where we need to dig deeper. He and I have proved that over and over again to each other, creating safety and trust in ourselves and our relationship in our winter seasons. This is easier to do when you have reconciled your inner landscape.
What I know now is that preparation is necessary for winter. Because it will come. Bad things happen, good people will die.
There are two steps to uncover meaning and happiness:
1) Acceptance of what you cant change
2) Appreciation for everything
When you harness those two things, radical acceptance and constant gratitude, you will shift your state. When you shift your state, you change your life and become a positive influence in all areas of your life.
What gets in the way of your happiness??
We choose our happiness. Because we experience the life that we focus on. Your dis-ease, or chaos in your mind and heart can typically be tied back to the things you can’t control.
If you took a moment right now to consider your state of happiness either right now or in the past, I’m certain you could see where it is/was tied to things that were outside of your control.
We wired for the negative..
Humans are wired with a 'negativity bias,' a natural tendency to focus on threats or negative experiences. This bias is part of our nervous system’s survival mechanism, designed to keep us alert to danger. When we perceive something as a threat—whether it's a stressful email, an argument, or a tough day at work—our nervous system activates a stress response, like fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. This response can make us feel on edge, reactive, or overwhelmed, pulling us further from happiness and into a cycle of worry and stress.
One powerful way to work with this bias is through breath work. By slowing and deepening our breath, we can calm the nervous system and signal to our body that we’re safe, which helps override the instinct to focus on the negative. Regular breath work practices can retrain our response to stress, allowing us to return to a state of calm more easily and shift our focus back to what’s good in our lives. Creating a daily ritual of breath work allows you to build resilience and choose happiness, even in challenging moments.
Most people, myself included, can get stuck in that negativity bias every day. It can be amplified by our nervous system and our expectations.
To override that installed system, it truly goes back to what you choose to focus on, the meaning you assign it, and your daily habits. Thats why I have habits to create my happiness.
1) Sticky notes on my computer reminding me to ‘choose happy’
2) A daily gratitude practice (read here on how to develop your own morning gratitude practice).
3) Awareness of and the continuous learning to let go of the things I cant control
4) Breath work
Your happiness is destroyed by your expectations…
Our unspoken expectations of how we want people to treat us, to speak to us, to love us, creates chaos inside of us. The people in our environment are going to behave how they’re going to behave. Relying on them to meet our expectations for our own happiness considering that, will only create heartache. If you give up the thought that someone outside of you, needs to do something in order for your happiness, you are well on your way to uncovering an inherent state of happiness.
At the end of the day, happiness isn’t about everything being perfect or everyone meeting our expectations. It’s about the quiet choice we make to look within, to cultivate peace and appreciation, and to find joy in the things we can control—our thoughts, our responses, and our focus.
When we let go of what’s beyond our control and lean into gratitude and acceptance, we create a solid foundation that can weather any season.
So ask yourself, what small choice can you make today to move closer to happiness?
Every choice, every practice, every moment of acceptance, brings you one step closer to a life that feels fulfilling and deeply meaningful.
Breathe it in, Be Deliberate, and choose happy.
Chelsea
aka The Deliberate One
