Confidence doesn’t come before action. It comes because of action.
From Anxiety to Confidence –
The Real Work Behind It
February 3, 2025
Five and a half years ago, I stood outside the door of a networking event, paralyzed by anxiety. Shallow breaths, heart racing, frozen.
Before that, I was the one who had no trouble showing up… meeting new people, being the centre of attention. But in that moment, I was not the same.
I turned around, found a bar down the street, and numbed myself with a drink after drink instead. It felt like relief in the moment, but it wasn’t. It was avoidance.
Fast forward to now—I walk into any room with ease. I own my energy. I don’t need a drink to take the edge off because there’s no edge anymore.
What changed?
It wasn’t luck. It wasn’t a magic mindset shift. It was deliberate work—undoing the mental gymnastics and burning off the layers of grief, exhaustion, overworking, and inadequacy that had built up over time that kept me stuck in fear and self-doubt.
This is what I want to break down today: How do you go from anxious and avoidant to self-trusting and confident? And more importantly, how do you make it real, not just something you read about?
Why We Feel Like a Fraud (And How It Keeps Us Stuck)
If you struggle with confidence, it’s not because you’re “not good enough.” It’s because:
🔹 Your nervous system is wired for safety, not growth. Confidence feels risky when you’ve spent years avoiding discomfort.
🔹 You don’t trust yourself yet. Confidence isn’t about being perfect—it’s about trusting that you can handle whatever happens.
🔹 You’re stuck in external validation loops. When you outsource your worth to other people’s opinions, confidence will always feel fragile.
Anxiety before big moments isn’t the problem. The problem is believing that anxiety means stop instead of keep going.
The Real Work of Becoming Confident
1️⃣ Learn to Regulate Your Energy First
You can’t fake confidence when your body is in fight-or-flight mode. The first shift isn’t mindset—it’s nervous system work. Pause, breathe, and ground before entering any high-stakes space. This isn’t about “calming down”—it’s about teaching your body that confidence is safe.
2️⃣ Build Self-Trust (Instead of Trying to Feel ‘Ready’)
Confidence isn’t “I’m the best.” Confidence is “I trust myself to figure it out.” Start keeping small promises to yourself daily. Confidence is built in the quiet moments when no one’s watching.
3️⃣ Stop Performing & Start Owning Who You Are
The reason you feel anxious walking into a room? You think you have to prove something. You don’t. Walk in already knowing you belong—not because of what you do, but because of who you are.
Confidence Is a Byproduct of Showing Up
Confidence doesn’t come before action. It comes because of action. The more you show up, the more you teach your brain that you are capable.
You don’t need to “fix” yourself to be confident. You just need to start showing up as the person you already are.
tell me—where in your life are you waiting for confidence instead of building it?
For more on this, head over to Episode 13 of The Deliberate Exchange Podcast!
In the meantime, breathe it, be deliberate, and please be good to yourself!
Chelsea
The Deliberate One
