The Advice I Wish I Had 4 Years Ago:

‘You’re Not Doing Enough to Take Care of Yourself’

May 31, 2024

It might sound harsh, but the reality was, I wasn’t doing enough. I was mailing it in.  Mostly performative self-care.

As a result, I often felt:

- Body Tension

- Generally Off

- Self-loathing/hatred

- Low energy

- Lacking boundaries

- Unmotivated

- Uninspired

- Disregulated

- Listless

- Lost

- Stuck in a repetitive cycle

- Emotionally and mentally turbulent

- Disconnected from personal relationships

- Dissatisfied with my job

- Like nothing was ever enough

- Frustrated

It was like living in "Groundhog Day," with each day blurring into the next, and the next, and the next.

I lived in that state for longer than I care to admit.  To the outside world, I was gregarious and outgoing, but how I felt on the inside was completely different.  

From a place of total frustration and feeling sick and tired,  I had to get serious about what I wanted, how I wanted to feel, and then start closing the gap with those things that got me closer to what I wanted and how wanted to feel.  I had to do more.

The Illusion of Self-Care

You might be thinking, "But I am practicing self-care every day! In the morning, I write in my journal, follow wellness Instagram feeds, work out sometimes, get my nails done".

While these are absolutely great, they might not be enough. They certainly weren’t enough for me to feel like I feel today. How and when we take care of ourselves can’t be relegated only only to the mornings and goes beyond just gratitude journalling. You need to show up and do the work… everyday.

When you supplement with rituals that help regulate your nervous system along with what you’re already doing, you’ll likely experience more benefits from them. But without this critical piece of regulation, they may never feel enough.

If your body and mind are stuck in fight, flight, or freeze mode, you won’t fully benefit from these practices. If you try to adopt something new to your routine, you’ll likely half-heartedly attempt them and lack the discipline to consistently maintain them. It’s hard to fully embody practices when you’re in survival mode and lacking the tools to integrate them into your life in a way that works for you (that’s my one of my specialties by the way).

The Vicious Cycle

This cycle is draining and often accompanied by an over-reliance on external comforts such as alcohol, medications, shopping, social media, or food.

Breaking Free = Awareness + Regulation

Awareness: Start by noticing if you’re experiencing any of the symptoms listed above (and the lists below). This awareness is often accompanied by a deep desire for change. (aka you’re sick and tired of feeling sick and tired)

Regulation: Focus on regulating your nervous system. Create calm within your body and mind to support effective self-care practices.

Out of Regulation vs. In Regulation

How It Feels When Out of Regulation:

1. Constantly stressed and anxious

2. Easily overwhelmed

3. Irritable and reactive

4. Difficulty focusing

5. Physically tense and exhausted

How It Feels When In Regulation:

1. Calm and centered

2. Resilient and adaptable

3. Clear-headed and focused

4. Emotionally balanced

5. Energetic and physically relaxed

Starting the Journey to Regulation

The best, most effective ways I’ve found to start include:

Somatic Breath Work: Using your breath to release tension and restore calm.

Movement: Engaging in physical activities that feel good to your body and work to move energy.

Nutrition: Nourishing your body with healthy foods.

Try incorporating the following energy management habits every day for the next 5 days:

• 5 minutes of box breathing 3 x per day (4 in through the nose, 4 hold, 4 out through the mouth, 4 hold)

• 5 minutes of dancing/bouncing 3 x per day (really focus on shaking your arms, legs, wrists, hands etc) Shake it off by Taylor Swift would be an excellent song to start with

• No alcohol, less caffeine, more water.

I want you to track how you feel at the start of this five days and every day that you’re doing it. What shifts? How do you feel immediately after these? You can use this habit tracker to keep track of your energy management habits.

I truly believe that without regulation, you may end up stuck in a cycle of frustration like I was. By focusing on awareness and regulation, you can break free from these patterns and truly thrive.

Breathe it in, be deliberate, and be good to yourself!

Chelsea

aka The Deliberate One

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