Who’s going to step in and help you during your darkest moments?
(Issue #50)
The ones you don’t really talk about…
When I think about my drinking days, especially the last few, I wonder why no one helped me or pulled me aside to say, ‘Hey, this might be a little much.’
After all, I had a good job, surrounded by lots of friends and acquaintances. I never had a DUI or even came close. Yet, recently, a friend commented about how five years ago, there was an industry boozy boat cruise. He said I’ve come a long way since then – ‘night and day’ was his exact phrase. That boozy boat cruise ended with me waking up the next day on a totally different boat, not sure where I was. I stumbled out of the boat and down the dock to figure out what part of the city I was in so I could get an Uber, still wearing the previous night's cute, albeit wrinkled, outfit.
Recently, I was interviewed on a podcast, and the host asked at what point I knew my drinking habits were problematic. The truth is, it wasn’t until I experienced frequent blackouts, daily drinking, super depressive episodes, and random intolerances to what were my ‘regular’ drinking amounts before I thought there might be a problem. It had to get to the point where my brain would shut down to protect me before the smoke signals went off.
The fact was, my drinking habits, amongst the people I spent time with, both personally and professionally, were considered ‘normal’.
It was a race to the bar for Thirsty Thursdays.
It was always planning to Uber downtown so that cars weren’t stranded.
It was laughing about how blackout someone was the night before.
It was about getting ‘broker drunk’.
It was finding it hilarious that I woke up on a boat.
That’s just what we did. Makes me shake my head as it’s a stark contrast to how I live now.
And because no one called me out on it, I had to call myself out on it. I had to pull myself out of this slow crash. I had to decide that this behaviour wasn’t normal. I had to decide that there was a better use of my time, energy, and money. I had to decide that I was creating damaging and sometimes dangerous situations for myself. I had to live with feeling shameful about it, like some down-and-out alcoholic on the street. I had to want more for my life.
And I created that. Virtually on my own. It took years to get here, but it doesn’t have to.
All it ever takes to make meaningful change is to simply decide you want something different. Something more. Something awesome. Then the puzzle pieces will start to fit together. The momentum builds when you know where to direct your intention and attention.
If you’re ever looking for a mentor with experience walking through their own personal hell, I’m it.
If you’re looking for a mentor who knows how to address the hard shit we often don’t deal with, I’m it.
If you’re looking for a mentor who developed a rock-solid self-care routine and can show you how to do it for yourself, for good, I’m it.
If you’re looking for a mentor who can show you how to steer out of the crash that’s coming, I’m it.
Even if drinking isn’t your coping mechanism, but you’re experiencing and drowning in stress you’re not dealing with, overwhelm you can’t get out of, and a seemingly losing battle against the negative thoughts in your head, I can help you.
If you’re struggling with self-worth, knowing your values and belief systems, and the blocks you know are subconsciously there and are ready to work through them now, I’m your girl.
Breathe it in, Be Deliberate, and please be good to yourself!
Chelsea
aka The Deliberate One
