How I deal with anxiety…(It’s not what you think)

July 1, 2024

Last week in both my professional and personal life, the topic of anxiety has come up quite a few times.

Feeling anxious generally, anxiety-inducing situations, occasions, environments, and how I deal with all of the above.

I’m no stranger to anxiety. Most of us are intimately familiar with how consuming it can be, impacting our day-to-day lives, our productivity, and how we show up.

I’ve experienced panic attacks that felt like I was going to die—alone, scared, and the anxiety doubling as a result.  Such a shit cycle that I don’t wish anyone to experience.

I’ve been to the doctor and prescribed medication, which I took because I wanted to feel anything but anxious. (Spoiler alert: they didn’t help.)

Now I understand what anxiety is (and is not), through my own body, experience, and learning. This knowledge has led me to a strong belief that anxiety is preventable.

Glamorizing Anxiety

Before we get into what’s worked for me, I need to address the glamorization of ‘having anxiety.’

Recently, someone told me how cooking chicken made her feel ‘soooooo anxious’ and she avoids it. I’ve also heard of people having ‘menu anxiety’ and seeking therapy to help with that (menu anxiety = they feel overwhelmed by making a decision on what they want to eat for their meal at a restaurant).

It seems people now carry anxiety like a badge of honour and/or a catch all for uncomfortable feelings/situations.

I know I did. It lent credibility to my struggles and helped me relate to others, both personally and professionally.

But being or declaring ‘i’m anxious’ isn’t a lewk I’m interested in.  

It isn’t the byproduct of everything you do or have been through.

It also isn’t a permanent, enduring state (unless we choose it to be).

We need to stop pretending that it is.

To address my anxiety, I focused on two key areas: mind and body.

Mind…

Anxiety is a natural byproduct of stress, marked by feelings of worry, nervousness, or fear about future events or uncertain outcomes.  Left unchecked, it can become excessive, persistent, and interferes with our every daily life.

I had to understand what my anxious thoughts meant. I learned that my anxiety was obsessing over the future—the what-ifs, what-will-bes, and what-should-bes. These thoughts occupied valuable mental bandwidth and never provided me with solutions.

I also realized the importance of distinguishing between feeling anxiety and being anxious. We are not our thoughts; we are the observers of our thoughts.

Body…

One night, I experienced massive anxiety despite doing all the right things—breathing exercises, meditation, journaling. My partner had left the room an hour prior, I was happy, smiling, present. When he came back, he saw the visible shift in my mental state. Through trial and error, we discovered that what I consume impacts the degree to which I experience anxiety. It was then I realized my anxiety spike was triggered by something I ate: taco seasoning full of MSG. MSG is a neurotoxin and can exacerbate anxiety. By eliminating MSG from my diet and opting for homemade seasonings, my anxiety levels improved.

Also, no surprise that my highest anxiety levels were during my drinking days. Alcohol doesn’t help anxiety; in fact, it worsens it by changing the levels of serotonin and other neurotransmitters in the brain. Which is why the despair and high anxiety after a night of drinking was always horrendous. Some call this ‘hangxiety’.

I’m so happy I’m off that ride…

The Tools

Perspective:

Check the validity of your thoughts. When viewed objectively, anxious thoughts often lose their power.

Present Moment Anchors:

When feeling anxious, focus on sensory details around you. Notice someone’s mannerisms, listen to the inflections in their voice, feel the chair you’re sitting in, or touch your own hands.

If at home, focus on a plant or a tree outside.

These anchors help stop the anxiety spiral by immersing yourself in your present moment environment.

Breathing:

Simply noticing your breath can interrupt anxious thoughts. Focus on the temperature of the air, what rises on the inhale, and what falls on the exhale.

For deeper relief, use the 4-7-8 breath: inhale through the for 4 counts, hold for 7, and exhale out the mouth for a slow 8 count. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system, slows your heart rate and lowers blood pressure, all which allow you to think clearly.

Creating Space:

Sometimes, distance from an anxiety-inducing environment is necessary. Many women I coach experience anxiety during firsts—first concert sober, first family event post-divorce, etc. Leave the concert if it’s too much, say no to the family event if you’re not ready.  If someone has an issue with you taking space, it says more about them than it does about you.

There’s an old saying that the tools work if you use them.  

We can know what to do but still have failure to launch them.  

The process of just noticing what’s happening with the thoughts starts the process in diffusing them and acting proactively. Then we can work on the limiting beliefs/subconscious blocks that prevent you from fully taking charge.  

If you’re struggling with anxiety, know that it’s possible to manage and overcome it. Reach out if you need guidance—I'm here to help you find your way to a calmer, more balanced life, one deliberate breath at a time.

Breathe it in, be deliberate, and be good to yourself!

Chelsea

aka The Deliberate One

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