We Need to Rethink How We Deal with Stress
June 24, 2024
I was at a wedding recently, and the bride's daughter gave a speech. Visibly emotional and nervous, she stood there and delivered a heartfelt message. She acknowledged her nerves and apologized for her emotions during the speech.
After she finished, she came over to the table where I was sitting, grabbed someone's drink, and exclaimed, "Holy shit, that was so nerve-wracking, I need a fucking drink."
She is 14 years old.
Sigh.
Witnessing that made me angry and sad. I know all too well how that line of thinking can lead to a drinking problem. This behaviour is both normalized and learned. She’s seen it in movies, heard it in songs, and likely observed her own parents doing it—the idea that a drink is the only way to take the edge off.
I understand this feeling well. That was my default when I was stressed or something crazy happened.
Why drinking is the worst thing you could do during stress…
Drinking alcohol during a stressful event can offer temporary relief and relaxation by acting as a central nervous system depressant. What it actually does is reduces our inhibitions, and also impairs motor skills, judgment, and cognitive functions. This only amplifies the stress response once the initial calming effects wear off, often leading to increased anxiety, mood swings, and poor decision-making.
Learning a new way to respond…
But four and a half years into my sobriety, I’ve changed my patterned responses to stressful situations. Whether it’s a major stressor like the death of a loved one, or everyday challenges like family dynamics or work pressures, I now have tools that are far more effective in helping me move through my emotions and stress. Breath work being the first line of defence. Or as I call it, the ultimate circuit breaker.
Why Breath Work is more effective than alcohol…
The use of breath work during a stressful event is an effective, non-invasive method to manage stress. Breath work techniques, like deep breathing or diaphragmatic breathing, help activate the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and reducing the heart rate. This method improves oxygen exchange, lowers cortisol levels, and enhances mental clarity without the negative side effects associated with alcohol. Breath work is my sustainable and healthy way to cope with stress, improving emotional regulation and resilience when shit hits the fan.
These tools allow me to recognize and process my feelings quickly and easily, you won’t find me reaching for a drink after encountering a stressful situation. I’m going to experience the good/bad of that situation fully aware, fully present.
But with so many songs on the radio telling us to drink to celebrate or to cope with sadness, how can we escape this pervasive culture of drinking?
The Pervasive Culture of Drinking
Movies like "The Wedding Planner" with JLo stick out in my mind. A successful woman comes home from a long day at work, alone in her apartment, and pours a glass of white wine with dinner. That scene influenced me after my divorce when I started living alone. The glass of wine seemed sophisticated. Of course, the movie doesn’t show it morphing into drinking the whole bottle though. I don’t see anyone on TV or in movies coming home from work and doing breath work or yoga to signal the end of the day. I don’t see the leading lady grabbing a refreshing glass of water instead of wine.
I’m sure we can agree that we don’t want a 14-year-old drinking because she’s stressed. It’s not ideal or appropriate.
And to go one further, if it’s not good for a 14-year-old, why is it good for us? Why do we react to stress, nerves, and other emotions with alcohol? What kind of example is society setting, and how can we do better?
As you consider that, here are three things to do next time you’re faced with stress or overwhelm instead of reaching for alcohol:
Breathe: Inhale through your nose twice, then a long exhale through your mouth (the physiological sigh).
Focus on the Present Moment: What can you see, hear, and feel? Stress, anxiety, depression can tend to diminish when we focus on our actual environment and not identify with our thoughts
Create Objectivity: Ask yourself if this stress will matter in a day, a month, or a year.
Remember, the stress we experience is as little or as much as we think and make of it and in our power is a way to deal with it in effective, meaningful ways… if we choose to.
Breathe it in, be deliberate, and be good to yourself!
Chelsea
aka The Deliberate One
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