That one negative commentHow to not let it define you&How to move through it
April 22, 2024
It's remarkable how a single negative comment, like the proverbial "one bad YouTube comment," as my partner and I call it, can overshadow a multitude of positive affirmations. Whether it's at work, at home, or in the public sphere, we often find ourselves fixating on criticism, even when it lacks validity.
I’ve experienced this firsthand. Three examples come to mind.
The first…‘you are a dumb, uneducated hick.’ That stayed with me for YEARS. Kept me from speaking up, and stepping into my own. Years of believing I was just that, dumb. It took time, but I was able to override that thought and eradicate it from my mind and believe again that I’m pretty fucking smart.
The second … ‘you’re fired’. It came out of nowhere, and I was unceremoniously walked out of the building. It was a massive blow to my ego, and a blow to my identity that I was perceived in such a negative fashion that I ended up losing my job over it. It made me question everything I was/had been. It had come on the heels of quitting drinking and when I was starting to do some deep work on myself. It was the only time that I ever questioned why I had quit drinking in the first place. But I was already starting to know better. To learn that this one event did not define me.
The Third (and most recent)... ‘you are coercive, a bully, and emotionally manipulative.’
Fuck. The drop in my stomach when I read that still stings.
However, this is why I have done (and do) the work. I am so firm in my self and in how I conduct myself, that I know who the fuck I am.
I know that I give to others the upmost care, compassion, love, and support.
I know that I’m not a wall flower who passively stands by. I voice my opinion, my thoughts.
Both of those are sometimes too much for some people to handle. They can’t handle (or don’t want to see) the light that I shine, and they don’t like the questions I ask.
And yet those words still sting. Because I am still a human being that cares what others think/perceive (the human condition).
We all have a core need to be seen, heard, and understood. This entire situation left those needs unmet. I felt unseen, unheard, and misunderstood.
To get over (and through) this ‘one bad youtube comment’, this is what I’ve been doing.
I’ve been rereading the many testimonials I’ve received working with clients. The women who have trusted me to guide them to transformation, happiness, and a place of peace.
I’m looking at this objectively. It’s very easy for my mind to go down a rabbit hole of stories and what this means and what is perceived etc. When I look at the facts there’s nothing to substantiate it, and those things are not who I am in any shape or form.
I’m extending myself a lot of love and a lot of compassion.
I’m extending a lot of love and compassion to the person who called me these things. They hurt and are lashing out and I know that feeling all too well. So I send my love to them and I hope that they have enough capacity to forgive themselves too.
Understanding that I get to choose the power that the words of others have over me. That’s to say either all of it or nothing. I chose ‘all’ for a 24 hour period and after that, I’ve taken my power back and letting. that. shit. go.
Reminding myself that I am responsible for my own actions. I’m not responsible for the actions/words of others.
Considering the source. Like Fox vs NBC. The source of those comments is not a friend, a mentor, someone I hold in high regard. They do not know me at all. They’ve not spent one minute of time with me. This automatically makes their comments irrelevant, untrue, and just plain mean.
This kind of resolve doesn't happen overnight. As I said, the third example I gave still caught me off guard initially and had me reeling. The bounce back from situations like this gets faster, more effective, more complete every single time.
Navigating the aftermath of negative comments is a journey of resilience and self-assurance. It's about recognizing our worth, standing firm in our truth, and refusing to let others' negativity dim our light.
With each experience, we bounce back stronger, reclaiming our power and refusing to let negativity define us.
As we continue on this journey, we choose love, compassion, and understanding—for ourselves and for those who may not yet see our brilliance.
Breathe it in, be deliberate, and be good to yourself!
Chelsea
aka The Deliberate One
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