When I Prevent, I'm Protecting

Have you ever noticed yourself pulling away from fun or love, even when it’s literally right in front of you? You don’t want to smile, or laugh, or be caught doing either.

It’s as if the weight of the past keeps you from fully stepping into the present.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.  Sometimes I find myself caught in this cycle—sullen during moments that should be light, guarded when I should be open. A familiar conditioning I’ve been working on overwriting.

It’s often in our most important relationships—those with our partners, family, or closest friends—where these self-protective patterns show up the most.

These are the relationships that matter the most to us, which means the fear of being hurt, disappointed, or rejected feels very real.

The more we care about someone, the more vulnerable we are, and that can make it harder to let go of past pain or allow ourselves to fully experience joy and love.

I know that when I unconsciously try to protect myself in these deeper connections, I’m actually preventing the very things I’m wanting—closeness, fun, and emotional intimacy. Creating the awareness of this conditioned response, and then to break that circuit, allows us to show up fully in the relationships that matter most.

To reclaim your happiness, we can learn to let go of the past, stop sabotaging our relationships, and embrace the fun and love we deserve.

When I’m feeling certain ways, it’s often because I’m trying to protect myself from something deeper.

Here’s how to recognize what’s happening and start shifting out of it.

When I feel sullen and distant, I know I’m trying to prevent vulnerability.

What’s Happening:
If I find myself withdrawing emotionally or feeling shut down around people I love, it’s often because deep down, I’m afraid of being vulnerable. Vulnerability feels so scary—letting people in means they might see parts of me I don’t feel ready to share, or worse, they might hurt me. So, I create distance.

What I’m Really Doing:
I’m trying to prevent potential emotional pain by not allowing myself to fully engage. But in doing so, I’m also blocking love and connection.

How to Shift:
Next time I notice myself pulling away, I remind myself that true connection requires vulnerability. I gently allow myself to stay open, even if it feels uncomfortable, knowing that protecting myself from pain also blocks me from receiving love.

When I focus on past hurts, I know I’m trying to prevent disappointment.

What’s Happening:
If my mind keeps drifting to what someone (or someone else) has done to hurt me in the past, I know I’m trying to protect myself from being disappointed again. It’s like a reflex: I remind myself of the past pain to so that it doesnt get repeated.

What I’m Really Doing:
I’m trying to prevent future disappointment by keeping the past alive. But this only drags the old wounds into the present and robs me of joy and love.

How to Shift:
I consciously shift my focus to the present moment. When I catch myself reliving past pain, I ask, “What is true right now?” By anchoring into the present, I stop letting past wounds control my current experience.

When I don’t allow myself to enjoy fun, I know I’m trying to prevent loss.

What’s Happening:
If I can’t fully enjoy moments of fun or happiness, it’s usually because I’m afraid that if I let myself experience joy, it could be taken away. So I hold back, not fully allowing myself to get swept up in the moment.

What I’m Really Doing:
I’m trying to prevent the pain of losing something good before it even happens. But by withholding joy from myself, I miss out on the fullness of the moment.

How to Shift:
I remind myself that joy is a gift of the present, and I don’t need to anticipate its loss. When I find myself resisting fun, I give myself permission to be fully in the moment, knowing that I am worthy of happiness, even if it’s fleeting.

When I criticize or shut down my emotions, I know I’m trying to prevent rejection.

What’s Happening:
When I get overly critical of myself or shut down emotionally, it’s usually because I’m afraid that others won’t accept my real feelings or thoughts. If I keep my emotions hidden, then I don’t have to worry about them being rejected.

What I’m Really Doing:
I’m trying to prevent the rejection of my authentic self. But by suppressing my true feelings, I also cut myself off from deeper connection.

How to Shift:
I remind myself that authenticity is what fosters real connection. Instead of hiding my emotions, I choose to express them, even if they feel messy or vulnerable. I trust that by showing up as my true self, I create the space for deeper love and acceptance.

When I focus on what’s wrong, I know I’m trying to prevent feeling out of control.

What’s Happening:
If I start fixating on everything that’s wrong—whether in my relationship, my circumstances, or within myself—it’s usually because I’m trying to regain a sense of control. By focusing on problems, I convince myself that I’m preparing for whatever could go wrong.

What I’m Really Doing:
I’m trying to prevent feeling out of control by controlling the narrative in my mind. But this keeps me stuck in negativity and prevents me from seeing the good that’s happening right now.

How to Shift:
I consciously bring my attention to what’s going well, no matter how small. When I focus on gratitude or moments of joy, I allow myself to experience life’s fullness rather than just its potential problems.

As you’ve heard me say if you’ve worked with me or have been reading these posts, recognizing the patterns is the first step to change.

Whenever you notice these patterns in yourself, understand that it’s your mind and heart trying to protect you. But joy, love, and connection require you to release those barriers.

By becoming aware of when and why you’re blocking yourself, you can start to shift into a space where you embrace all the goodness life has to offer in the present moment.

You deserve to experience love and fun fully—don’t let the past hold you back for longer than you think is necessary.

If you’re ready to dismantle these emotional barriers and reclaim your joy, love, and connection with yourself and in your most important relationships, let’s connect.

Breathe it in, Be Deliberate, and please know you can let your guard down!

Chelsea

aka The Deliberate One